Do you know what it’s like
To be trapped in your own head
Sanity screaming that you need to care
To live, but you forgot how
And now Sanity is dying
And you can’t revive it since
You never learned CPR
Because freshman year of high school
The world stopped
And they couldn’t teach
CPR over a Teams call
Do you know what it’s like
To be standing over the
Bloody body of tests and homework
And not feel a thing
To forget the feeling of motivation
To do what you loved
You used to love school
When did that go away?
Do you know what it’s like
To be numb at will
To stop and start your heart
As a survival response
Because fighting or flying
Will get you killed in this world
So, you make something new
And you call it freeze
In freeze, you don’t feel a thing
You buy concealer
Practice smiling in the mirror
They won’t notice either way
Do you know what it’s like
To never be free
You only have snatches of light
In the moments of pain
Because only in pain do you feel alive
Because at least in pain
You feel something
Do you know what it’s like
To have that pain ripped away
Shattered glass repaired against your will
Because you forgot how
To stay mad, stay sad
And you forgot how
To hold onto a feeling
Even as you sit on the
Forbidden rooftop
Sad music playing
Through forgotten headphones
Black beanie covering your eyes
But no tears to hide
And do you know what it’s like
To not be able to feel
Sad for yourself
Because all your life
People told you that
You play up for injuries for attention
Don’t do that, you brat
Stop that, faker
And people kept telling you
Until you didn’t need people anymore
Because you told it to yourself
Birthing a mantra of self-disgust
Doesn’t matter if it wasn’t true
It is now and the voice
In your head won’t ever
Let you forget it
Do you know what it’s like
To hide this poem
Because you finished it
After a fight
And it doesn’t matter
When you started it
Because they’ll all think
You’re just lashing out
And you can’t escape the
Crushing feeling of
What if I’m making it all up
And your own brain
Won’t let you accept that
Maybe you’re a little fucked up
Because look how good you’re living
Do you know what that’s like?
It feels like no one does
Sometimes I want to
Leave this poem out
Where someone will see
Scream it onstage
With a whole crowd there
Because maybe, finally
Someone will know what it’s like
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