Do you know what it’s like

To be trapped in your own head

Sanity screaming that you need to care

To live, but you forgot how

And now Sanity is dying

And you can’t revive it since

You never learned CPR

Because freshman year of high school

The world stopped

And they couldn’t teach

CPR over a Teams call

Do you know what it’s like

To be standing over the

Bloody body of tests and homework

And not feel a thing

To forget the feeling of motivation

To do what you loved

You used to love school

When did that go away?

Do you know what it’s like

To be numb at will

To stop and start your heart

As a survival response

Because fighting or flying

Will get you killed in this world

So, you make something new

And you call it freeze

In freeze, you don’t feel a thing

You buy concealer

Practice smiling in the mirror

They won’t notice either way

Do you know what it’s like

To never be free

You only have snatches of light

In the moments of pain

Because only in pain do you feel alive

Because at least in pain

You feel something

Do you know what it’s like

To have that pain ripped away

Shattered glass repaired against your will

Because you forgot how

To stay mad, stay sad

And you forgot how

To hold onto a feeling

Even as you sit on the

Forbidden rooftop

Sad music playing

Through forgotten headphones

Black beanie covering your eyes

But no tears to hide

And do you know what it’s like

To not be able to feel

Sad for yourself

Because all your life

People told you that

You play up for injuries for attention

Don’t do that, you brat

Stop that, faker

And people kept telling you

Until you didn’t need people anymore

Because you told it to yourself

Birthing a mantra of self-disgust

Doesn’t matter if it wasn’t true

It is now and the voice

In your head won’t ever

Let you forget it

Do you know what it’s like

To hide this poem

Because you finished it

After a fight

And it doesn’t matter

When you started it

Because they’ll all think

You’re just lashing out

And you can’t escape the

Crushing feeling of

What if I’m making it all up

And your own brain

Won’t let you accept that

Maybe you’re a little fucked up

Because look how good you’re living

Do you know what that’s like?

It feels like no one does

Sometimes I want to

Leave this poem out

Where someone will see

Scream it onstage

With a whole crowd there

Because maybe, finally

Someone will know what it’s like