lifethrupoems

You are all and none, hiding from the rain

You are the people and the gaps between them

Hide in crowds of bodies, the heat keeps you together 

Air streams of sand swirling around an empty form

You are the feeling of being watched

Prickles and hair raising on the back of their neck

The swarm parts around the being they cannot see

And the feeling they dare not name

A gush of air tears you apart, wind your worst enemy

And as you fight to pull yourself back together 

A hand reaches out through the masses

Groping through the empty space

Feeling for nothing and finding it

You are found and yet you’ll never be

When did you get scared of talking

Of sharing, of simple “how are you”s

Of coffee catch-ups, and facetimes

When did sharing your feelings

Start to feel like peeling your skin open

And inviting people to come see the carnage

When did someone asking about your day

Become an accusation instead of an invitation

Close up the drawbridge, you’re on guard, but against what

When did asking someone to change for you

Become lounging on a throne of gold

Living in luxury but asking for diamonds

When did telling someone you were sad

Become a lie, a scam, you want attention

Greedy little baby, turn around and walk away

When did your life become something you were ashamed of

That you painted over and tweaked until you had a new canvas

To present at the art show of “so, how have you been?”

When did calling your friends become a chore

As you juggle hiding your sadness when they tell you about their life

And overplaying your joy as you tell them about ‘yours’

When did you become a liar, a faker

When did you become scared of the world

Scared of what people thought

Of the consequences of the truth

You can’t have a rainbow without the rain

Droplets smashing paths of heavy destruction

Popping balloons of joy and leaving floods in their wake

You can’t have tattoos without scars

Artful lines of black spiraling across skin

Beautiful, but it’s angry and red and bleeding

You can’t have light without the dark

How do you appreciate something 

Without knowing it’s absence

You can’t have love without loss

We love fiercely without hesitation, we know

It all comes to an end in a flash

You can’t smile without knowing pain

Tears make the smile lines stand out against

Sunken eyes, you’ve lived life well

After all, what’s life without a little pain

I never knew the word ‘hi’ could become sandpaper

Rough from overuse, scraping my tongue raw

Livelihoods, years of anxiety, a moment of victory

Boil down to two questions

What you do, where you live

That is all you become in a sea of anonymity

You are all and you are none, hiding from the rain

Desperately clinging to semblances of connection

Prodding at a joke until it decomposes

Nothing grows old when it’s all you have

You laugh until you can’t, smile lines etched

Into your supposedly adult face, chiseled into skin

It rains until you aren’t sure if you’re walking or swimming

Typhoons and hurricanes of pleasantries

Whirling around you, every one steals a bit of light

You watch it leave your chest, sucked into a blur

And you march on, keep paddling, stay afloat

It’ll all get better tomorrow

You return to a room like and unlike your own

Your presence half lingering, a ghost who’s almost gone

Snoring in the background, you sit on clean sheets

No space for both pillows, you’ve made a nest instead

You close your eyes to city sounds and another’s breathing

Green light cast across your face, the only light in the room

You’ve been extinguished, burned out with introductions

As you drift off, you feel the imprint of the word

Blood still flowing from the cuts it made, sharp edges

And brace yourself for the sting of sandpaper once more